I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize