I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
