Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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