Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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