So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
