Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
