He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Randomize