I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
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I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
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I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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