Swine flu. Run for my life!
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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