My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
