We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
