oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
