my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
