Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
God I need to hump something, right now.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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