fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize