just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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