Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
