she was so not down for the gang bang
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
