We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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