She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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