How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just gargled with NyQuil
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
