I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
