Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
