Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
