Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
