You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
