No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
