I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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