how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
