I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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