Me too!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
