Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
