the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
