Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
