that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
