don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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