So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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