i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
