I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
