the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
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She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
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I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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