I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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