I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
