i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
