My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
