just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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