The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
