that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just high enough for therapy.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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