What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
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Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
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I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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