guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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