Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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