I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
