You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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