I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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