They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My penis needs a shock collar
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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