Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Threesome in a minivan. New low
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
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