I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize