Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
time to smoke my breakfast
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
