im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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